I’m sure that most of you are ultra-runners. Or runners who are getting up to Ultra-distance (isn’t that what we call it?). Anyway, you will see that this is written so that it can be applied to men, or women. You choose.
Here are some reasons why it is great to be married/engaged/otherwise-connected-with someone like you. When the need strikes, you can use one of these as the basis of a reason why you should be allowed to go and do the next Ultra-transvulcania-mara-race that will take all month.
- I can watch back to back episodes of Columbo/Bones/Poirot/TopGear/Dave while you spend literally all weekend running the kind of distance that 97% of the UK population consider to be a day-trip away.
- I can have any number of my girlfriends or mates around and drink lots and lots of wine or beer – and I get to choose the colour.
- You crave KFC after Ultra-marathons (i think that’s you call them…. I tune out most of the time) – and you bring me a Fillet Tower Burger meal home. Most. Of. The. Time.
- ***** CENSORED****** It gives me a strong hand in all negotiations which involve work around the house (or more likely not doing it). I can literally name my price in terms of shelves-being-put-up or being able to AVOID going shopping. Honestly.
- I get to eat some proper junk food – including pizzas, cheese… yes CHEEEEEESE… and ice-cream… often, all together… at the same time. That’s wrong… I’ve never eaten ice-cream and pizza together. On the same plate. Except that one time at Band-camp.
- I get to have a lie in without being woken up by 10 alarms set at 2 minute intervals which you set to get out of bed at 5am to go for a “little bimble” of 35 miles – but only leave 2 hours later after waking me up anyway. Or. Whatever. This isn’t true either… because you wake me up anyway. Bless you.
- I get to see lots of parts of the country, and sometimes even countries ABROAD……. (but only if you have a marathon or an ultra-stupid race on….). Ok, we have only been to Scotland for a race. Oh, and the Isle of Wight. That is kind of abroad. Almost.
- I get to do nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don’t get guilt tripped into going for a silly 3 mile run…. or what they say will be 3 miles and ends up being 13. Even. Though. I. Don’t EVEN LIKE RUNNING!!!!!!!!
- It keeps you from being “under my feet” when I am trying to NOT do housework, or other stuff in the garden. Yes, it is perfect. I get to do what I want to do when I want to NOT do it.
1. You’re not here. That’s quite good. You’re quite annoying sometimes. But not all the time. I love you really. Honestly. Yes…. really! Seriously. Ultrarunning helps with endurance. That’s quite a good er… “benefit”
The Untraining Ultrarunner 